Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Excerpt from Monday, June 8th 2009

I can't escape myself.
No matter how hard I try, no matter how far I run...
I can't do it.
There I am, waiting for me whenever the newest distraction I've concocted comes to an inevitable end, and I'm left with nothing. Nothing but me.
I'm always inside myself, wanting to break free, wanting to be some place other than me.
I don't even make sense.
And [[insert boy name here]]? He doesn't make sense either.
He is where I go to lose myself. But not in him,
in me. Yep, I get lost in myself.
I'm drowning myself.. Buried in something that I somehow took my own two hands and buried myself in.
I've buried myself in lies and illusions,
right along next to hopes, dreams, and accomplishments.
Dirtied by less than innocent thoughts and less than hopeful ambitions.
Buried in myself. Covered in what I'll never be.
But I see myself as what I appear to be.
I see myself as those dirtied hopes...

I can't tell the dirt from the dreams anymore.
It's buried me. It's stifling me.

But I can't get out of myself.