dust.

I am the person that cheerily gets swept along and falls between the cracks in the lives of others. I am the dust that settles in to make you comfortable, only to later be blown away by a practically accidental gust of irritation.

I'm grateful for those who have the patience and magnanimous amount of love it takes to let my flimsy particles rest upon them when I am left muddled in a mud of my own making.

Priesthood Dews

There are a lot of things to write about. There are so many ways to think. And so many ways to express ourselves. There are so many emotions to feel, and so many things to experience.

And out of all the so-manys there is this one decision. One little choice, that determines the outcome of the rest of my existence. Not just in this life, but the next. There's no going back, no changing my mind.

Bring it on.

Every step hurts.

Never have I been so abased. Never have I had to sit in a puddle of my own pride and foolishness, and watch the people around me love me in spite of myself. So much so as to take my hand and lead me away from my degraded state, toward hope.

It was at that moment that my Savior's incredible love sunk deep into my aching, cracking heart. And though I had been wicked, I was never worthless. Though I was helpless, I was never hopeless. Though I was humiliated, I was indeed humbled.

As the Savior wraps his loving arms around my throbbing, tender heart, I resolve to spend the remainder of my life in His service, as a pitiful attempt to make up for the damage I have caused.

http://lds.org/new-era/1982/08/running-on?lang=eng&query=every+step+hurts



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Emotionally Opposite

Perhaps it's not so much that I feel too much, but simply that the timing of my emotions is completely off. I have a tendency to laugh at the all the wrong moments, cry only when it's embarrassing to do so, feel sad when I have no reason to be and elated when I should be miserable.
Am I ashamed of my antics? Not at all, though I have a tendency to feel attacked when people accuse me of intentional emotional dyslexia.

I am not emotionally upside down on purpose. Emotionally, I am not ANYthing on purpose. I have observed people try to be different just for the sake of being different. Recently, I have discovered that I have no similar inclination. It doesn't bother me to be the same as the majority, as long as I am genuinely myself. Feeling that way makes me different.

But not on purpose.


All I'm trying to say here is that we are all different. Yes, we are all special and unique, Brogan. But the only way we can accomplish a sincere feeling of peculiarity is to

just be.


We're all trying so hard to become something. The only thing I want to become is a more Christlike version of myself.

Thanks for listening.