It never ceases to fascinate me how much we can learn from our experiences. At times it downright overwhelms me to think of the potential growth that emerges from each moment of life. How can I possibly retain the numerous lessons that flood in from every facet of every conversation and conlict? It simply isn't possible to document and study them all, but heaven knows I still try my darndest.
I spent the past week in California, on tour with my high school choir and band buddies. Manifestly, I learned loads from the activities and experiences there. Although, I couldn't help but analyze the experiences and contrast them to the lessons learned in Arizona.
Before I elaborate, the reader should acknowledge the abstractness of my thoughts. Describing a beautiful painting with words is never as emotionally astounding as seeing the actual painting. Certainly if a painter was told what to create, using only words, the result would not be as moving as if it came directly from his heart. It's almost as if my mind contructs thoughts using pictures, and by words I am limited in how well I am able to recreate the image for you.
To be continued...
Monday, April 12, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
In light of recent events...
Recently,
a friend of mine was inspired to buy me a book.
The book was about "Godwinks"
aka.. The little blessings that God sends more frequently than we care to notice.
Last night,
I was in a minor car accident.
When I got home, the first thing I did was sit down and make a list of Godwinks related to the accident.
I'm sure there were more than I could even think of.
Basically, I came to the conclusion that without my faith in Christ,
I don't think I would have survived the accident.
As it is,
I was barely harmed.
I feel I've gained more from the experience than I've lost.
That's how the gospel works..
It turns weaknesses into strengths,
and trials into blessings.
...to be continued.
a friend of mine was inspired to buy me a book.
The book was about "Godwinks"
aka.. The little blessings that God sends more frequently than we care to notice.
Last night,
I was in a minor car accident.
When I got home, the first thing I did was sit down and make a list of Godwinks related to the accident.
I'm sure there were more than I could even think of.
Basically, I came to the conclusion that without my faith in Christ,
I don't think I would have survived the accident.
As it is,
I was barely harmed.
I feel I've gained more from the experience than I've lost.
That's how the gospel works..
It turns weaknesses into strengths,
and trials into blessings.
...to be continued.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
AZ Highlights:
-"We'll have Tori say all of our prayers from now on. You go girl. You pray."
-I have three little sisters and a little brother now!
-Karsten always reads my mind..
-"Sometimes I feel like such a silly little white girl."
"You're a silly little white girl with a big Polynesian heart!"
"There are WHITE people in this room???"
-"Jimmy doesn't hug me."
"You're my girlfriend now."
-Tyrel's back-popping hugs!
Emily!!
-Explaining how to use the shower
-"Thank you Emily, you're welcome Emily!"
-"I have 11 people in my family. 3 brothers, and 6 sisters!"
-"I love going to bed at 10:30, 11:30, and 12:54!"
-"Check check me out!"
-"Are you talking to me? Well you should start!"
-"Do you like water? Well then you like 75% of my body!"
-"You know what Sunday is? Sunday is the day when we get to have fun and YOU don't!"
-"You're like the only white girl who can blend with us!"
-Being searched at Hoover Dam and feeling like a criminal... Until I opened up my duffel and my scriptures were right on top!
-Tina's music around me 24 hours a day.
-Singing 24 hours a day..
-Being with my LDA family and AZ family.
-Being engulfed in the spirit everywhere we went.
-"Can you pass the ham?"
-Ping pong.
-I have three little sisters and a little brother now!
-Karsten always reads my mind..
-"Sometimes I feel like such a silly little white girl."
"You're a silly little white girl with a big Polynesian heart!"
"There are WHITE people in this room???"
-"Jimmy doesn't hug me."
"You're my girlfriend now."
-Tyrel's back-popping hugs!
Emily!!
-Explaining how to use the shower
-"Thank you Emily, you're welcome Emily!"
-"I have 11 people in my family. 3 brothers, and 6 sisters!"
-"I love going to bed at 10:30, 11:30, and 12:54!"
-"Check check me out!"
-"Are you talking to me? Well you should start!"
-"Do you like water? Well then you like 75% of my body!"
-"You know what Sunday is? Sunday is the day when we get to have fun and YOU don't!"
-"You're like the only white girl who can blend with us!"
-Being searched at Hoover Dam and feeling like a criminal... Until I opened up my duffel and my scriptures were right on top!
-Tina's music around me 24 hours a day.
-Singing 24 hours a day..
-Being with my LDA family and AZ family.
-Being engulfed in the spirit everywhere we went.
-"Can you pass the ham?"
-Ping pong.
-Fireside #1: Praying for my heart to stop pounding.
Fireside #2: Praying for my bangs to stay out of my face.
They both worked. "Cuz duh. Faith just always works."
-"We're all spiritual and stuff, but she's the one who makes everyone cry."
"Well as long as she's my daughter!"
-"Is this language?"
-"Hhhhh! I like this song!"
-"THAT's awkward."
-"It's like home to me!"
-Secret perfume dealing.
-"Hey! I like your.... tie......"
-GEORGE!! :P
Monday, February 15, 2010
Posting a Blog v Writing a Letter
Well.
There have been an unprecedented amount of things on my mind as of late. It's this phase I go through in life over and over again. The phase where my room gets messy and I fall behind in my journal and everything starts to feel a little chaotic.
But life goes on.
And as long as the scriptures get read, there's a temple trip in the near future, and the sacrament gets taken that week, there is peace shielding me from the chaos of this world.
...
I've been thinking a lot about
Faith
lately.. It seems to be a common theme in many of the trials I've been going through these past couple of months. It seems that every time things get hard, it comes back to whether or not my faith is strong enough to dispel my fear. Fear of change, mostly.
...
Luckily, the Lord prepares us for the future, assuming we let Him. If we look for them, He gives us little hints about things that are going to be hard that we need to get ready for. Things that we need to build our faith for.
In Ether 2:25, the Savior says: "Ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come." He will prepare us. There is no other way to safely navigate the waves, winds, and floods in the ocean of earthly life. Only through Him. Jeffrey R. Holland said "He knows the way because He is the way." He also said: "I know of no other way for us to succeed or to be safe amid life's many pitfalls and problems."
...
Example: A couple of weeks ago I realized that my best friend for forever and the rest of my life is going to leaving in less than a year. Granted, he will be turning his life over to the Lord for two years, a more-than-worthy cause, but the plain truth is that he is still leaving. "Best friends" are hard for me to come by, for whatever reason, I've seen many of them come and go. And each time I believed that surely this would be the one to actually stick around. Well he is one of the ones that actually HAS stuck around. For seven years, he's been around. There are times when we're close and times when we're not. Sometimes we didn't talk for months. Other times we talked every day. Sometimes we're more than friends, sometimes we're definitely just friends. But the thing that matters is that he's always been "around." Whether standing in the background, or the center of the brilliant foreground, he's been there. For that reason alone, he means a lot to me. So it hit me pretty hard when I was up late daydreaming about my future one night, and I thought "Hmm.. I might be engaged or even married before Alex gets home from his mission." Actually, it hit me real hard. And then the alternative crossed my mind. If he chose NOT to serve a mission, it would be ten MILLION times worse. That should have made me feel better, right? It didn't. At that point, it felt like a lose-lose situation. I sat down on my bedroom floor and cried out to my Father in Heaven.. "This sucks!"
And then that underlying theme of faith hit me AGAIN. Why am I so AFRAID of him leaving? I know that the Lord is in control and will take care of me. I know The Lord needs him more than I do. I know that the people wherever he's serving need him more than I do. And it's building my faith and testimony of those simple concepts that will make it okay for me to not have him "around." And the Lord has blessed me, by giving me a year's notice. He's given me LOTS of time to prepare so that when the time comes to say goodbye, my faith in His plan will kick my fear of losing a best friend right out to no man's land.
Believe me, I'm a weakling, and I need all the time I can get.
It's not by chance that I thought of the situation now, and not in a year when it actually happens. The Lord knows I need time to build myself up, to prepare. He has always helped me in this way. He knew I would be weak in high school when it comes to dating and boys. So in junior high, He had me thinking about dating standards that I needed to set for myself so that I would be prepared when the time came to face those temptations. Lately He has been preparing me for mommyhood by placing in me an almost fanatic desire that I never dreamed of for myself. This is how He makes weaknesses strong. He knew I would be weak in dating, so He prepared me with words of prophets full of suggestions on how to avoid temptation. And now, I can truly say that my dating standards are one of my biggest strengths.
Also, because I tried to have faith in this simple doctrine, I was blessed immeasurably in ways that I cannot put into words. Without a doubt, I can testify that what Moroni says in Ether 12:6 is TRUE. "Ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." You must first be faithful, and then you will see blessings without end permeate your life.
[To read more of Jeffrey R. Hollands talk, go to: www.lds.org and search for "Broken Things to Mend" by Jeffrey R. Holland]
There have been an unprecedented amount of things on my mind as of late. It's this phase I go through in life over and over again. The phase where my room gets messy and I fall behind in my journal and everything starts to feel a little chaotic.
But life goes on.
And as long as the scriptures get read, there's a temple trip in the near future, and the sacrament gets taken that week, there is peace shielding me from the chaos of this world.
...
I've been thinking a lot about
Faith
lately.. It seems to be a common theme in many of the trials I've been going through these past couple of months. It seems that every time things get hard, it comes back to whether or not my faith is strong enough to dispel my fear. Fear of change, mostly.
...
Luckily, the Lord prepares us for the future, assuming we let Him. If we look for them, He gives us little hints about things that are going to be hard that we need to get ready for. Things that we need to build our faith for.
In Ether 2:25, the Savior says: "Ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come." He will prepare us. There is no other way to safely navigate the waves, winds, and floods in the ocean of earthly life. Only through Him. Jeffrey R. Holland said "He knows the way because He is the way." He also said: "I know of no other way for us to succeed or to be safe amid life's many pitfalls and problems."
...
Example: A couple of weeks ago I realized that my best friend for forever and the rest of my life is going to leaving in less than a year. Granted, he will be turning his life over to the Lord for two years, a more-than-worthy cause, but the plain truth is that he is still leaving. "Best friends" are hard for me to come by, for whatever reason, I've seen many of them come and go. And each time I believed that surely this would be the one to actually stick around. Well he is one of the ones that actually HAS stuck around. For seven years, he's been around. There are times when we're close and times when we're not. Sometimes we didn't talk for months. Other times we talked every day. Sometimes we're more than friends, sometimes we're definitely just friends. But the thing that matters is that he's always been "around." Whether standing in the background, or the center of the brilliant foreground, he's been there. For that reason alone, he means a lot to me. So it hit me pretty hard when I was up late daydreaming about my future one night, and I thought "Hmm.. I might be engaged or even married before Alex gets home from his mission." Actually, it hit me real hard. And then the alternative crossed my mind. If he chose NOT to serve a mission, it would be ten MILLION times worse. That should have made me feel better, right? It didn't. At that point, it felt like a lose-lose situation. I sat down on my bedroom floor and cried out to my Father in Heaven.. "This sucks!"
And then that underlying theme of faith hit me AGAIN. Why am I so AFRAID of him leaving? I know that the Lord is in control and will take care of me. I know The Lord needs him more than I do. I know that the people wherever he's serving need him more than I do. And it's building my faith and testimony of those simple concepts that will make it okay for me to not have him "around." And the Lord has blessed me, by giving me a year's notice. He's given me LOTS of time to prepare so that when the time comes to say goodbye, my faith in His plan will kick my fear of losing a best friend right out to no man's land.
Believe me, I'm a weakling, and I need all the time I can get.
It's not by chance that I thought of the situation now, and not in a year when it actually happens. The Lord knows I need time to build myself up, to prepare. He has always helped me in this way. He knew I would be weak in high school when it comes to dating and boys. So in junior high, He had me thinking about dating standards that I needed to set for myself so that I would be prepared when the time came to face those temptations. Lately He has been preparing me for mommyhood by placing in me an almost fanatic desire that I never dreamed of for myself. This is how He makes weaknesses strong. He knew I would be weak in dating, so He prepared me with words of prophets full of suggestions on how to avoid temptation. And now, I can truly say that my dating standards are one of my biggest strengths.
Also, because I tried to have faith in this simple doctrine, I was blessed immeasurably in ways that I cannot put into words. Without a doubt, I can testify that what Moroni says in Ether 12:6 is TRUE. "Ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." You must first be faithful, and then you will see blessings without end permeate your life.
[To read more of Jeffrey R. Hollands talk, go to: www.lds.org and search for "Broken Things to Mend" by Jeffrey R. Holland]
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Excerpts from letters:
" 'Pride is a matter of 'my will' rather than 'thy will.' I think President Ezra T. Benson said that one, and really when we are humble and doing His will your burdens become light. Christ has a purpose for all of us and we may not know what it is until after it has happened. But I can testify that he is watching over us and that we can trust him."
"It is true, He did know all that was going to happen. It was all part of the plan. He loved us enough to go through such pain and agony. I know because I have felt His love and I know it is true."
"You should never say you aren't good at something when someone gives you a compliment, you should thank them and then give thanks to the Lord for blessing you."
"Humility is the full realization of your complete dependence on God."
"I don't know why the rules are so important, they just are. Following the simple, menial ones takes the most faith, and often makes the biggest difference in the end. Not steady dating in highschool is a pretty small rule for most people. The prophets have said it, but people look at it as more of a suggestion. But look at the difference it has made in our lives. Reading the scriptures every day is a pretty small thing, but I can testify of the power that it brings me. Alma 37:6 Follow the rules, Trev. Even the silly ones."
"It's just incredibly comforting to know that Heavenly Father is in control and taking care of me."
"I was thinking more about our phrase "being an instrument in the hands of the Lord." I like to think of the analogy as a musical instrument. Anyone can make sound out of it, talented musicians can make beautiful music. But imagine the limitless "talent" our Father in Heaven has, and how much the CREATOR knows the tiny intracacies of the instrument. He truly makes us more beautiful and perfect than we could ever be by ourselves."
"In our Large Group Meeting the teacher taught about how the Gospel is using all the keys of a piano it is the fulness and we should use all of those keys to preach the Gospel because if you play one note continously that note begins to be annoying. So if we become the piano God can use us to play all the notes."
"Don't ever worry about your image that you portray to other people. Be confident in what you do as long as you trust in the Lord and show it He will bless you."
" 'People who don't know Jesus Christ but know you will want to know Jesus Christ because they know you.' So we should live in such a way that people will want to come unto Christ because they know you."
"Focusing on serving others and being an example of the light of Christ is an easy way to dispel self-pity."
"I thought of the lists I make in my prayers morning and evening for my Heavenly Father. I make daily lists of things I want and need and I can see Him going down my lists and checking off everything that He possibly can..."
"I don't want to get 'drunk' on pride or entitlement. Gratitude is so important. It is a large part of humility."
" 'Do not be negligent in the ability to feel the condescension of God (the Spirit), this ability has to be earned, we never deserve it but we must work to earn it. And the blessings of the Lord are regular not once in a lifetime.' (Neil L. Anderson)"
"Being and feeling loved is probably the best gift I could ask for."
"Change is constantly challenging faith. I need to hit the ground running with faith in my Savior, always progressing. Sometimes it feels like I'm running in the dark, which can be scary. But... 'Perfect love casteth out fear.' (1 John 4:18) And 2 Timothy 1:7, God gives us a spirit of power and love. Love is all around me, hitting me from all directions and exploding out of me at the same time. So... I have no need to fear."
"Faith is a principle of ACTION and power. Heavenly Father gives you the power to do what you need to do, but you have to be doing something! He's not going to do it for you."
"It is just incredible to me how the gospel applies to even the tiniest, silliest intracacies of life. And it seems like my testimony is strengthened by the tiny things as much as the big things, if not more."
"It is true, He did know all that was going to happen. It was all part of the plan. He loved us enough to go through such pain and agony. I know because I have felt His love and I know it is true."
"You should never say you aren't good at something when someone gives you a compliment, you should thank them and then give thanks to the Lord for blessing you."
"Humility is the full realization of your complete dependence on God."
"I don't know why the rules are so important, they just are. Following the simple, menial ones takes the most faith, and often makes the biggest difference in the end. Not steady dating in highschool is a pretty small rule for most people. The prophets have said it, but people look at it as more of a suggestion. But look at the difference it has made in our lives. Reading the scriptures every day is a pretty small thing, but I can testify of the power that it brings me. Alma 37:6 Follow the rules, Trev. Even the silly ones."
"It's just incredibly comforting to know that Heavenly Father is in control and taking care of me."
"I was thinking more about our phrase "being an instrument in the hands of the Lord." I like to think of the analogy as a musical instrument. Anyone can make sound out of it, talented musicians can make beautiful music. But imagine the limitless "talent" our Father in Heaven has, and how much the CREATOR knows the tiny intracacies of the instrument. He truly makes us more beautiful and perfect than we could ever be by ourselves."
"In our Large Group Meeting the teacher taught about how the Gospel is using all the keys of a piano it is the fulness and we should use all of those keys to preach the Gospel because if you play one note continously that note begins to be annoying. So if we become the piano God can use us to play all the notes."
"Don't ever worry about your image that you portray to other people. Be confident in what you do as long as you trust in the Lord and show it He will bless you."
" 'People who don't know Jesus Christ but know you will want to know Jesus Christ because they know you.' So we should live in such a way that people will want to come unto Christ because they know you."
"Focusing on serving others and being an example of the light of Christ is an easy way to dispel self-pity."
"I thought of the lists I make in my prayers morning and evening for my Heavenly Father. I make daily lists of things I want and need and I can see Him going down my lists and checking off everything that He possibly can..."
"I don't want to get 'drunk' on pride or entitlement. Gratitude is so important. It is a large part of humility."
" 'Do not be negligent in the ability to feel the condescension of God (the Spirit), this ability has to be earned, we never deserve it but we must work to earn it. And the blessings of the Lord are regular not once in a lifetime.' (Neil L. Anderson)"
"Being and feeling loved is probably the best gift I could ask for."
"Change is constantly challenging faith. I need to hit the ground running with faith in my Savior, always progressing. Sometimes it feels like I'm running in the dark, which can be scary. But... 'Perfect love casteth out fear.' (1 John 4:18) And 2 Timothy 1:7, God gives us a spirit of power and love. Love is all around me, hitting me from all directions and exploding out of me at the same time. So... I have no need to fear."
"Faith is a principle of ACTION and power. Heavenly Father gives you the power to do what you need to do, but you have to be doing something! He's not going to do it for you."
"It is just incredible to me how the gospel applies to even the tiniest, silliest intracacies of life. And it seems like my testimony is strengthened by the tiny things as much as the big things, if not more."
Friday, January 15, 2010
People have told me how to be happy..
Wow. It's been a rough day. Week.
...month.
It's been rough lately. It kinda makes me sick to think about it. To think about how miserable and selfish and dependent I've been.
December sucked.
That's all I choose to say about it. Most people know why. I'm pretty good at being a whiny crybaby.
January's been okay. 2010 isn't completely failing me yet. I got my grades up to a 3.8. Which is a miracle I do NOT deserve. My teachers really believe in me and want me to succeed.. Even when I don't.
Anyway, today was interesting. I spent the day being.. a normal teenager. And at the end of the day I realized.. I'm NOT normal. And acting that way makes me.. miserable.
"Grant me twenty thousand wishes, cover me with lavish things, but I believe in loaves and fishes, miracles and mustard seeds. People have told me how to be happy, but I find their remedies empty. These are my pearls, God's treasures unfurled mean more to this girl, more than the world to me."
These are my pearls:
Purple skies, hazel eyes..
-My family
Fireflies, blue horizons
-Laughter
In the spring, grey turns green
-Missionaries
Hope once dead is brought to life
-Especially one in particular
Shady tree, shoes in hand
-Love
With my bare feet in the sand
-Prayer
The dusty road that takes me home
-Humility
Photographs from the past
-Evangelho de Jesus Cristo
Summer naptime in the grass
-Singing
Constellations in the sky
-Best friends/soulfriends
Northern Lights will make you cry
-But mostly amor e evangelho de Jesus Cristo
I can't live without the Holy Spirit's comfort and guidance in my life. I need the strength I receive from my Savior through my faith. I desire His joy, His love, and His will more than anything and all else. People have told me how to be happy, but I believe in miracles and mustard seeds. They are muito importante para meu salvacao.
"Just like a fish needs water, you need the gospel and the companionship of the Holy Ghost to be truly, deeply happy." -Ensign November 2009, Marcus B. Nash
...month.
It's been rough lately. It kinda makes me sick to think about it. To think about how miserable and selfish and dependent I've been.
December sucked.
That's all I choose to say about it. Most people know why. I'm pretty good at being a whiny crybaby.
January's been okay. 2010 isn't completely failing me yet. I got my grades up to a 3.8. Which is a miracle I do NOT deserve. My teachers really believe in me and want me to succeed.. Even when I don't.
Anyway, today was interesting. I spent the day being.. a normal teenager. And at the end of the day I realized.. I'm NOT normal. And acting that way makes me.. miserable.
"Grant me twenty thousand wishes, cover me with lavish things, but I believe in loaves and fishes, miracles and mustard seeds. People have told me how to be happy, but I find their remedies empty. These are my pearls, God's treasures unfurled mean more to this girl, more than the world to me."
These are my pearls:
Purple skies, hazel eyes..
-My family
Fireflies, blue horizons
-Laughter
In the spring, grey turns green
-Missionaries
Hope once dead is brought to life
-Especially one in particular
Shady tree, shoes in hand
-Love
With my bare feet in the sand
-Prayer
The dusty road that takes me home
-Humility
Photographs from the past
-Evangelho de Jesus Cristo
Summer naptime in the grass
-Singing
Constellations in the sky
-Best friends/soulfriends
Northern Lights will make you cry
-But mostly amor e evangelho de Jesus Cristo
I can't live without the Holy Spirit's comfort and guidance in my life. I need the strength I receive from my Savior through my faith. I desire His joy, His love, and His will more than anything and all else. People have told me how to be happy, but I believe in miracles and mustard seeds. They are muito importante para meu salvacao.
"Just like a fish needs water, you need the gospel and the companionship of the Holy Ghost to be truly, deeply happy." -Ensign November 2009, Marcus B. Nash
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Once upon a blog..
I have come to the conclusion that blogs are pretty stupid. And strangely therapeutic.
I have learned some things in the last.. little while, let's say a year or so, and now I am going to attempt to put them into words. It's always an interesting engagement.
Things I have learned:
1. I am highly impressionable. If you say something, and I think it's cool (ie: It happens, Also, etc.), I am going to start saying it too. If you don't want me to, you better copyright it. If you have a southern accent, it rubs off on me after just a few hours. Thank Caesar. I mean, Elder Reese.
2. I am a very emotional person. But I don't like to admit it. I'm not sure why, because everyone already knows.
3. Popular people are everything they're cracked up to be, except a little bit cooler. There's more than a little bit of good in everyone.
4. Setting standards for myself is easy, staying true to them is painful. Also, worth it. Plus a little more worth-it-ness.
5. I have a very unique, incredibly stupid reason for being ridiculously jealous of certain people.
6. I seclude myself. Maybe I don't fit in, maybe I just don't want to. Like I said before, I've got everyone convinced that I fit in, except myself. I have it sorted out in my mind that most people don't like me. Most people will put up with me, but nobody really wants me to hang out with them all the time. I guess in my undying, constant pursuits to befriend new people, I take for granted the people that are always around me. And because of this, I don't feel like I'm a good enough friend to them either. I think I'm insecure about friendship because... of something that I'm not ready to admit to the blog universe. It relates to number 5, which I chose not to elaborate on.
7. Even smart people fall in love.
8. Missionaries aren't robots. They're real people, with feelings and everything! And they're all really different, and weird.
9. I suffer from.. chronic missanthropy. You're smart if you realized that I made that up. I miss people. All the time. Probably because I care about people that stopped caring about me years ago.
10. My parents are getting old. But don't tell them I said that.
11. I'm a holiday scrooge. The intensity of which notably increased when my favorite holiday companion left on a mission, and then my second favorite holiday companion left on a mission.
12. I'm kind of a dating machine. But I don't like the dates as much as the people. Also, date number two is always more fun than date number one.
13. I choose not to think about problems unless I have to. In the case of the wedding, I still haven't had to think about it, hence, I still don't know why I have a problem with it. And therefore, I'm a little perplexed by a certain phone call from Idaho that lasted 46 minutes and 57 seconds.
14. This is becoming less of a things-I've-learned-in-the-last-year list, and more of a random-things-that-periodically-run-through-my-mind-lately list.
15. Oh. I'm not going to get into college because I'm not smart enough. Mikey's says of course I'm smart enough. But I don't know what I'm doing. Mikey says go talk to college counselor lady at school. But I don't know where to find her. Mikey says go talk to your counselor and they'll tell you how to find the college counselor. But I don't know how to go talk to my counselor. Mikey says go talk to your teachers. But I'm scared of teachers. So basically I'm not going to get into college because I'm scared of my teachers. Also because college applications make water come out of my eyes (AKA cry).
16. I can't let go of Hunter boys. That's right, can't.
17. Letters take too long.
18. I think I'm pretty. But most of the time I don't think I'm pretty enough. I'm not pretty enough for some random guy to want to talk to me. I'm not pretty enough to be stuck-up. I'm not pretty enough for boys to put up with my crappy attitude. I don't think I'm ugly. Just not quite pretty enough. Which is okay with me.
19. Movies can make me cry. But only if they get me thinking about more than what's going on in the movie.
20. He changed me.
The end. Fer now.
I have learned some things in the last.. little while, let's say a year or so, and now I am going to attempt to put them into words. It's always an interesting engagement.
Things I have learned:
1. I am highly impressionable. If you say something, and I think it's cool (ie: It happens, Also, etc.), I am going to start saying it too. If you don't want me to, you better copyright it. If you have a southern accent, it rubs off on me after just a few hours. Thank Caesar. I mean, Elder Reese.
2. I am a very emotional person. But I don't like to admit it. I'm not sure why, because everyone already knows.
3. Popular people are everything they're cracked up to be, except a little bit cooler. There's more than a little bit of good in everyone.
4. Setting standards for myself is easy, staying true to them is painful. Also, worth it. Plus a little more worth-it-ness.
5. I have a very unique, incredibly stupid reason for being ridiculously jealous of certain people.
6. I seclude myself. Maybe I don't fit in, maybe I just don't want to. Like I said before, I've got everyone convinced that I fit in, except myself. I have it sorted out in my mind that most people don't like me. Most people will put up with me, but nobody really wants me to hang out with them all the time. I guess in my undying, constant pursuits to befriend new people, I take for granted the people that are always around me. And because of this, I don't feel like I'm a good enough friend to them either. I think I'm insecure about friendship because... of something that I'm not ready to admit to the blog universe. It relates to number 5, which I chose not to elaborate on.
7. Even smart people fall in love.
8. Missionaries aren't robots. They're real people, with feelings and everything! And they're all really different, and weird.
9. I suffer from.. chronic missanthropy. You're smart if you realized that I made that up. I miss people. All the time. Probably because I care about people that stopped caring about me years ago.
10. My parents are getting old. But don't tell them I said that.
11. I'm a holiday scrooge. The intensity of which notably increased when my favorite holiday companion left on a mission, and then my second favorite holiday companion left on a mission.
12. I'm kind of a dating machine. But I don't like the dates as much as the people. Also, date number two is always more fun than date number one.
13. I choose not to think about problems unless I have to. In the case of the wedding, I still haven't had to think about it, hence, I still don't know why I have a problem with it. And therefore, I'm a little perplexed by a certain phone call from Idaho that lasted 46 minutes and 57 seconds.
14. This is becoming less of a things-I've-learned-in-the-last-year list, and more of a random-things-that-periodically-run-through-my-mind-lately list.
15. Oh. I'm not going to get into college because I'm not smart enough. Mikey's says of course I'm smart enough. But I don't know what I'm doing. Mikey says go talk to college counselor lady at school. But I don't know where to find her. Mikey says go talk to your counselor and they'll tell you how to find the college counselor. But I don't know how to go talk to my counselor. Mikey says go talk to your teachers. But I'm scared of teachers. So basically I'm not going to get into college because I'm scared of my teachers. Also because college applications make water come out of my eyes (AKA cry).
16. I can't let go of Hunter boys. That's right, can't.
17. Letters take too long.
18. I think I'm pretty. But most of the time I don't think I'm pretty enough. I'm not pretty enough for some random guy to want to talk to me. I'm not pretty enough to be stuck-up. I'm not pretty enough for boys to put up with my crappy attitude. I don't think I'm ugly. Just not quite pretty enough. Which is okay with me.
19. Movies can make me cry. But only if they get me thinking about more than what's going on in the movie.
20. He changed me.
The end. Fer now.
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