Now that I've successfully given up on passing my sign language class for the day, I decided that sitting at my computer rambling away like an idiot would be the next best way to spend my Saturday night. If it sounds like a desperate attempt at entertaining myself, it's because it is.
I could be going for a bike ride with Jeff, or doing something with Alex, or any number of things with any number of people. But something is wrong with me lately, and I don't feel like myself. My anxiety is preventing me from going out and doing things. On a normal day, I would be able to override it and do as I please. But it seems lately that it's really holding me back. I get nervous and sick to my stomach just thinking about it. What is it that makes me feel this way? Is there some kind of pressure that I'm unknowingly worrying about? Where is a girl supposed to turn to if she can't even figure herself out? How am I supposed to talk about my problems if I don't understand them?
I really want school to start.
You know I don't love the school part of school. And the people overwhelm me most of the time. But it gives me a backdrop to put the rest of my life in front of, and makes it more pleasing to look at. What do I have now? My own self motivation and goals. And where has that ever gotten me? Nowhere. Absolutely nowhere.
That stupid motivation word gets me every time. Not only do I feel like I don't have any motivation to do things, I don't have any determination to finish them either. Hence the title of this post, I'm a quitter.
I've aspired to quit being a quitter. But that's easier said, and written down, and made a goal of, then done. Mini-goals? I feel a list coming on.
Quitting Quitterness
1. Get involved in something and don't give up.
-sign language?
2. .....
That's about as far as I've gotten. Pretty impressive yeah? If you happen to stumble across my blog and are reading this, any suggestions to help me out would be great.
Alright enough of being downhearted. List number two, things I'm excited about.
I'm looking forward to:
1. Working my hiney off the next couple of weeks and making my house look good,
with or without the possible "prize" of an iPod at the end.
2. Youth Conference
because the people(boys) in the ward are people(boys) that I can stand to be around right now
without freaking out and getting sick to my stomach.
3. Danica coming home.
Which is before Youth Conference.
4. EFY
Always and forever and all eternity,
the best thing that has ever happened, and will happen to me.
5. School starting
because that is by far the best way to "hang out" with people.
Let me discuss this "hanging out" business for a minute. Not only do I not believe in "hanging out", especially with the opposite gender. But I do not like "hanging out", especially with the opposite gender. I prefer planned, preferably far in advance, activities. They make me feel less anxious (notice I'm still anxious, just less so), I feel more safe, and in control. And maybe it's stupid, and selfish, and because of personal issues. But that's the way I feel. I don't care what we do, I just want to do something, and not just sit around hanging out. Because I can do that by myself quite well thank you very much.
One more thought.
" 'Charity is the pure love of Christ.' The Savior exemplified that love and taught it even as He was tormented by those who despised and hated Him.
On one occasion the Pharisees tried to trap Jesus by asking Him a seemingly impossible question: 'Master,' they asked, 'which is the great commandment in the law?'
The Pharisees had debated this question extensively and had identified more than 600 commandments. If prioritizing them was such a difficult task for scholars, certainly they thought the question would be impossible for this son of a carpenter from Galilee.
But when the Pharisees heard His answer, they must have been troubled, for it pointed to their great weakness. He replied:
'Thou shalt love the Lord they God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
'This is the first and great commandment.
'And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
'On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.' "
"The measure of our love is the measure of the greatness of our souls."
" 'Love is one of the chief characteristics of Deity, and ought to be manifested by those who aspire to be the sons of God. A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race.'
As we reach out in love to those around us, we fulfill the other half of the great commandment to 'love they neighbour as thyself.'
Both commandments are necessary, for as we bear one another's burdens, we fulfill the law of Christ.
Love is the beginning, the middle, and the end of the pathway of discipleship. It comforts, counsels, cures, and consoles. It leads us through valleys of darkness and through the veil of death. In the end love leads us to the glory and grandeur of eternal life."
"Many asked why he gained so many followers and retained them. His answer: 'It is because I possess the principle of love.' "
"Sometimes the greatest love is not found in the dramatic scenes that poets and writers immortalize. Often, the greatest manifestations of love are the simple acts of kindness and caring we extend to those we meet along the path of life."
"We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, Heavenly Father won't, for he sees us as the glorious being we are capable of becoming.
The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of transformation. It takes us as men and women of the earth and refines us into men and women for the eternities.
The means of this refinement is our Christlike love."
"The Greek playright Sophocles wrote: 'One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.' "
"The greater the measure of our love, the greater is our joy."
"Do you love the Lord?"
Excerpts from The Great Commandment, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin (The absolute most genius apostle ever.)
Feel free to read the entire talk at: http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-775-10,00.html
No comments:
Post a Comment